So I have had the results. Wish I actually had something to say about them.
Here is what I know: I don't have cancer. And I don't have endometriosis after all. I have a fibroid tumor that is deep and in the center of my uterus. This is the one that they feel is causing all of the bother.
Here is what I don't know: What does this mean? Do I need surgery to remove it? Do I need to go on birth control? Aren't there better options?
Here is what is happening: it seems the one fibroid tumor in the center is causing a bit of a bother. It is trying to replace my boyfriend. As it continues to grow, the lining of my uterus also continues to grow. Then, as it gets closer to my period, sex gets very painful and causes bleeding. Hmmm, I can tell you from experience that this is not sexy.
The next steps seem to be going in a few directions--some of which have happened, some of which haven't.
1) Get another ultrasound. This I have done--lucky me. So back in the saddle again I went. And hey, I'm not sure if it was because I knew what to expect or because this technician explained everything that she could see, but I felt better and more curious as to what all of those grey, black and white shapes were on the screen.
2) Go to a GI. This I haven't done yet. I should be going some time next week. They want to determine why I can eat anything processed without bloating up like a puffer fish. It seems While both the tumors, cysts, and bloating happened at the same time, this does not mean they are actually related. The only way to figure this out is by going to a GI and see if he/she sees something amiss.
3) Go to the OBGYN. I have done the initial procedure, but not the surgery consultation with the doctor. The nurse practitioner felt that enough was going on that it would be good to see the doctor and get her opinion. This doesn't happen for another month so I won't know very much until then.
I sorta feel like I am being pulled in many directions. I want to figure out the problems and start working on solutions. I feel like it just takes so long to get moving. So, I sit here, with a constant pain in my left butt check, always cramping, and very emotional--and still no closer to the truth.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
the results
My doctor finally calls me while I am at work. It has been 5 days since the ultrasound and I assume this is a good thing.
It isn't.
"Sorry, it has taken me awhile to get back to you. I've been trying to speak to the OBGYN about you."
"Oh." I seem to say this often.
"Well, you have ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors in your uterus, and a thick endometrian skin."
"A what?"
"A thick endometrian skin. It means you may have endometriosis. That was why I needed to speak to the OB Doctor. I wanted to see if she could do an endometrial biopsy to confirm this diagnosis."
"Oh." God I am brilliant.
"Well, this explains the weight gain, the pressure, the digestion issues, and the bloating. At least you know what it is and why."
"True." And it is true. I have been going back to my doctor again and again, saying I just don't feel right, something isn't right. And something wasn't. But, right now, I don't really understand what she is telling me. She has given my pain a label and a name, but I don't own it yet. I know so next to nothing about all three things and how they relate to a woman.
"Your next step, depending on your biopsy, could be either going back on birth control or at the worst case, a hysterectomy. Let's wait and see what the results are and go from there. I put you through to the OB's secretary."
And that was it. She was done and I was left with questions that hadn't formed yet. Out came the computer and up came google search. What I read didn't please me. Words like "no cure" "surgery best option" "hysterectomy only cure" seemed to jump off the page and buzz in my head.
As annoying as these words were flying around in my head, I still had room to wonder how that would change me. Without a uterus, ovaries, or tubes--would I still be a woman? What would Eric think? Would we have problems having sex? Where does his penis go? How is the uterus capped off?
Remember, the Doctor didn't say I needed a hysterectomy yet--just that I needed a biopsy. And she had mentioned birth control first. Still, I had all but had the operation in my head.
To top it off, I called to tell my mother and she informs me that she had fibroid tumors that had polyps so she had them removed, and that my grandmother had had them as well--hers had grown to the size of grapefruits. Grapefruits! There's an "s" meaning more than one grapefruit. Wow. I can't even imagine what that must have been like.
So now I wait. The biopsy is scheduled a week away. Who knows what the next move is until those results are in. Until them, I sit and wait, worry, and wonder what will define my womanhood-me or my ability to reproduce?
It isn't.
"Sorry, it has taken me awhile to get back to you. I've been trying to speak to the OBGYN about you."
"Oh." I seem to say this often.
"Well, you have ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors in your uterus, and a thick endometrian skin."
"A what?"
"A thick endometrian skin. It means you may have endometriosis. That was why I needed to speak to the OB Doctor. I wanted to see if she could do an endometrial biopsy to confirm this diagnosis."
"Oh." God I am brilliant.
"Well, this explains the weight gain, the pressure, the digestion issues, and the bloating. At least you know what it is and why."
"True." And it is true. I have been going back to my doctor again and again, saying I just don't feel right, something isn't right. And something wasn't. But, right now, I don't really understand what she is telling me. She has given my pain a label and a name, but I don't own it yet. I know so next to nothing about all three things and how they relate to a woman.
"Your next step, depending on your biopsy, could be either going back on birth control or at the worst case, a hysterectomy. Let's wait and see what the results are and go from there. I put you through to the OB's secretary."
And that was it. She was done and I was left with questions that hadn't formed yet. Out came the computer and up came google search. What I read didn't please me. Words like "no cure" "surgery best option" "hysterectomy only cure" seemed to jump off the page and buzz in my head.
As annoying as these words were flying around in my head, I still had room to wonder how that would change me. Without a uterus, ovaries, or tubes--would I still be a woman? What would Eric think? Would we have problems having sex? Where does his penis go? How is the uterus capped off?
Remember, the Doctor didn't say I needed a hysterectomy yet--just that I needed a biopsy. And she had mentioned birth control first. Still, I had all but had the operation in my head.
To top it off, I called to tell my mother and she informs me that she had fibroid tumors that had polyps so she had them removed, and that my grandmother had had them as well--hers had grown to the size of grapefruits. Grapefruits! There's an "s" meaning more than one grapefruit. Wow. I can't even imagine what that must have been like.
So now I wait. The biopsy is scheduled a week away. Who knows what the next move is until those results are in. Until them, I sit and wait, worry, and wonder what will define my womanhood-me or my ability to reproduce?
Friday, June 27, 2008
the ultrasound
"Don't worry, this won't hurt. It will just feel, well, gushy."
Hmm. Those weren't exactly the words I wanted to hear while splayed in horse stirrups. At the same time, those words were better than the ones I had heard earlier.
"Oh. Are you pregnant?"
No, very far from it really. There are other reasons for ultrasounds, though I hadn't known that before my doctor had suggested I go for one. So here I am, stirruped and stupid. Feeling exposed and as if I had just stepped into Twilight Zone.
Let me take you a few steps back...
I've been having pains--lower hips, bladder, back and cramping pain for some time. On top of this, my digestion had decided to take a vacation and pretty much refuse to accept any food offerings. So, my doctor suggested an ultrasound to see why.
So, here I am, laying spread eagle in a dark room with gel on my belly and a bladder so full, I have tears coming out of my eyes. The lab technician, illuminated only by the glow of machine, ran the wand over my lower stomach--pressing in to get a good view and apologizing for the discomfort--she was quick and aware of the bladder situation.
After the longest seven minutes of imagined bladder bursts, gushes of urine, and walls of water purging me from this table, the technician tells me I can go to the bathroom. Yes! I almost forget to be modest with the thin paper and step off the table. I realize I can't move as fast as I'd like because I feel like I will pee before I reach the bathroom. Luckily, it is the room next door or twelve steps away.
Once back, and very much relieved, I'm back in the saddle again. This time she tells me the wand goes inside the vagina.
"Oh." I really didn't know why I shouldn't have expected this. So the cold gelled wand slides in and feels--well--like a violation. While I am happy she doesn't have to do this with a full bladder, I can feel it immediately begin to fill.
Five minutes later, she is done, and I am free to dress. I try to wipe as much gel off as I can, but really, I already know that I will be experiencing this curious slick sensation for the rest of the day. To prove this point, my underwear immediately sticks to my vagina. Sigh.
Now, I just have to wait for a few days for the radiologist to read it, tell my doctor, and for her to call and tell me.
Hmm. Those weren't exactly the words I wanted to hear while splayed in horse stirrups. At the same time, those words were better than the ones I had heard earlier.
"Oh. Are you pregnant?"
No, very far from it really. There are other reasons for ultrasounds, though I hadn't known that before my doctor had suggested I go for one. So here I am, stirruped and stupid. Feeling exposed and as if I had just stepped into Twilight Zone.
Let me take you a few steps back...
I've been having pains--lower hips, bladder, back and cramping pain for some time. On top of this, my digestion had decided to take a vacation and pretty much refuse to accept any food offerings. So, my doctor suggested an ultrasound to see why.
So, here I am, laying spread eagle in a dark room with gel on my belly and a bladder so full, I have tears coming out of my eyes. The lab technician, illuminated only by the glow of machine, ran the wand over my lower stomach--pressing in to get a good view and apologizing for the discomfort--she was quick and aware of the bladder situation.
After the longest seven minutes of imagined bladder bursts, gushes of urine, and walls of water purging me from this table, the technician tells me I can go to the bathroom. Yes! I almost forget to be modest with the thin paper and step off the table. I realize I can't move as fast as I'd like because I feel like I will pee before I reach the bathroom. Luckily, it is the room next door or twelve steps away.
Once back, and very much relieved, I'm back in the saddle again. This time she tells me the wand goes inside the vagina.
"Oh." I really didn't know why I shouldn't have expected this. So the cold gelled wand slides in and feels--well--like a violation. While I am happy she doesn't have to do this with a full bladder, I can feel it immediately begin to fill.
Five minutes later, she is done, and I am free to dress. I try to wipe as much gel off as I can, but really, I already know that I will be experiencing this curious slick sensation for the rest of the day. To prove this point, my underwear immediately sticks to my vagina. Sigh.
Now, I just have to wait for a few days for the radiologist to read it, tell my doctor, and for her to call and tell me.
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